Where Would You Be?
by YuRi Shipper
Summary: [Shoujo-ai, One-shot, Song-fic] Helena muses her relationship with Christie one night, and wonders where the assassion will be once she's finished with the opera singer...


YuRi Shipper: I couldn't decide which of my two fics to update first, so I decided to tide you all over with a short and sweet song-fic. You know how much I love them… and there's actually no Hitomi in this one! OO! Everybody at once, now : one, two, three, WOW!

Hitomi: You don't love me anymore… -sniffle-

Lei Fang: OO! -hugs- I still love you!  
Kasumi: Me too!  
Lei Fang: -snarl- Back off, bitch.  
Kasumi: You!  
Hitomi: -slinks off- x.o

YuRi Shipper: -sighs- Well, ignore them… and enjoy the ficlet. It's mainly centered around a Christie x Helena sort of thing… I don't quite know what to call it. Well, read and find out. Enjoy!

Christie: Wait a moment…  
Helena: Don't say anything, you'll make it worse.

YuRi Shipper: I agree with Helena… better listen to her.

Disclaimer: YuRi Shipper owns nothing – not the song, nor the characters. She merely borrowed both for your reading pleasure, and promises to return everything nice and shiny. The song 'Where Would You Be?' is sung by Martina McBride – and let me tell you, I respect her so very much. And I respect Team Ninja for their awesome Dead or Alive games, of course. See? I own nothing. -lawyers disappear disappointed-

**Where Would You Be?**

**One-Shot, Song-fic, Shoujo-ai/Femmeslash/Yuri/Lesbians (Get over it)**

**By YuRi Shipper**

Steady breathing that used to give me so much comfort is now keeping me awake, even at this hour as we lay next to each other. You have, of course, given me a clear view of your back… it's starting to become a rather usual sight. In fact, I think I've almost memorized its smooth, pale surface, in all its perfection. I do, of course, know there is muscle somewhere underneath it, and quite a fair amount, judging by the way you can fight, twist, turn…

Why do you keep coming back? I sigh, knowing full well it isn't you who comes back, but I. Why do I come back? Do I enjoy the abuse? Perhaps I'm just addicted to the pain heartbreak brings. I can feel the corners of my mouth pull into a frown before I allow myself to latch onto you in sleep, burying my face in snow coloured hair. Its surprisingly soft – unlike you.

_I wonder where your heart is  
__'Cause it sure don't feel like its here  
__Sometimes I think you wish  
__That I would just disappear  
__Have I got it all wrong?  
__Have you felt this way long?  
__Are you already gone?_

I have to admit, now, looking at you, that I'm not shocked at all. If I could say I was shocked, it would be obvious that I don't know you at all… then again, it feels that way most of the time. You never tell me anything about yourself, and the fact that you can keep your face a mask of absolute unfeeling only prevents me from figuring out anything about you… So seeing you just stare blankly ahead, even though I'm here, doesn't shock me. There's a depth to those violet eyes that I'm sure was never meant for me. I can only hope maybe I'll be a part of it someday, even if I'm only a speck of light caught in your gaze.

I cannot help but wonder how you feel, as you turn around to face me head-on, blinking yet not really seeing me. Perhaps you feel alone… maybe you're scared. I know that I am. I just wish you could tell me so we could work through it together.

_Do you feel lonely,  
__When you're here by my side?  
__Does the sound of freedom,  
__Echo in your mind?  
__Do you wish you were by yourself,  
__Or that I was someone else?  
__Anyone else? _

They say if you love something, you should let it go. Am I holding onto you? I think I may be… I'm fairly sure I'm clinging onto you for all I'm worth… even though you yourself are a threat on my life, and merely being with you puts me in danger, I cannot help but want you to stay.

If I were to ever let go of you… where would you be? Would you still be this way? I think so. You might even get worse… I know I'm getting through to you sometimes. When I see a sort of click, when your eyes don't look so distant, I know you're here with me… But when you aren't here… where are you? Are you happy there, without me? I know I wouldn't be happy here without you…  
_  
Where would you be,  
__If you weren't here with me?  
__Where would you go,  
__If you were single and free?  
__Who would you love?  
__Would it be me?  
__Where would you be?_

And even though I know I hold onto you for dear life, I cannot help but feel a small part of you reaching back for me… but perhaps that is just my imagination. Wishful thinking, they call it. They say I'm insane for thinking I could change you – they just don't realize that's not what I want to do. If you changed, I would feel as though I'd failed you. I just want you here… that's not much of a change. I don't consider it anything that would permanently harm you, make you unlike you are at the moment. It wouldn't make you any different.

And, while I still feel that little part of you holding me back, as your arms do whenever you wrap yourself about me, I know there's a spirit inside of you screaming to be let go, to receive your freedom once more. I don't want you to feel like I'm holding you back… you're free to leave me whenever you wish.

_I don't wanna hold you back  
__No I don't wanna slow you down  
__I don't wanna make you feel  
__Like you're all tied up and bound  
__'Cause that's not what love's about  
__If there's no chance we could work it out  
__Oh tell me now  
__Tell me, tell me now_

And I know someday you will leave me. I can only imagine how I will plead with you to stay – or maybe to give me my life. I'm sure you wouldn't allow me to continue living when you chose to leave. But perhaps it is better off that way. I think death would be better than a life without you. After you kill me, where will you go? Will you finally find what you're looking for, because I know you're searching for something. I can see it in your eyes… perhaps that's why you choose to stay with me. Maybe a part of you believes you can find it within me.

_Where would you be,  
__If you weren't here with me?  
__Where would you go,  
__If you were single and free?  
__Who would you love?  
__Would it be me?  
__Where would you be?_

Do you see me as an object? Something you can own? No… perhaps you feel like an object yourself. Something to be owned… it isn't that way, though. Not at all, Christie. But how am I to know what's going on in your mind when you tell me so little about what you think, or feel? What you've been through… I have no clue, but I'm certain it was a form of Hell. It had to have been for you to have been hardened in such a way.  
_  
Have I become the enemy?  
__Is it hard to be yourself in my company?_

Your body feels warm against mine, and I can only wonder why. Everyone tells me you're a cold person… I've never seen you that way. Not since the first moment I saw you peek in my room, checking to see if I was there, to introduce yourself as a new servant. Didn't it seem like a cruel twist of fate when you ended up being an assassin? Even more so when I found out you were supposed to kill me.

But you didn't, which leads me to believe there's more of a heart in your body than I can imagine… or maybe less of one. Perhaps you enjoy making me play these guessing games, enjoy making me feel as though you need something that I cannot give. After all, you will kill me, if not for your reputation than to just put something to rest, end a small bit of your misery.

_Where would you be,  
__If you weren't here with me?  
__Where would you go,  
__If you were single and free?  
__Who would you love?  
__Would it be me?  
__Where would you be?_

Does being with me make it worse? Does it make life harder for you? I can see how you struggle to get through each day – none of the others understand, though. You've quickly become public enemy number one to them. Someone that they can feel hatred for without guilt, despise without feeling any remorse. And, in a way, that makes you a good person. You're able to take all that upon yourself, all that hate… and brush it off. I've seen people who feel naturally good about hating you. People who have no clue who you are… they infuriate me, but you seem unaffected.

Perhaps I should try it myself sometime – hate you… though I know I never could. I tried once, you know. Tried to force myself to hate you – I would have even settled for a tinge of dislike… but I guess I don't know what's best for myself.

You'll kill me – I'm absolutely certain know, as I stare at your face, cold and uncaring. You seem so languid – like everything bores you. You've seen it all, heard it all, experienced everything. Maybe you have, maybe you haven't. I'm certain I'll never be entirely sure.

_Oh tell me, tell me now  
__Where will you be?  
__Where will you go?  
__Who will you love?  
__Would it be me?_  
_Where would you be?_

Perhaps one day I'll let you go – they say if you come back, it means you love me, too. I highly doubt you'll come back, though… it isn't your style. Every inch of you practically screams 'one night stand.' One night… we've been together a bit longer than that. Maybe a month and a half, now, though it certainly only seems like one night – one night that keeps replaying itself each day.

I don't know where you'll go when you finally decide to move on – I just know I want you to be happy. I move closer to you, my lips brushing against yours for an instant, even though you're falling asleep on the bed beside me once again, one arm lazily draped across my form. Burying myself in your embrace, however cold it may be, I attempt to fall asleep as well.

Wherever you go afterwards, Christie, I pray you find what you are searching for… where will you be? Only time will tell. Until then, I think I'll enjoy your company.

* * *

YuRi Shipper: Hmph. Not that great, but let's see what I get for reviews… Lemme know if you loved or hated it! R&R, people. It's a one-shot… yes indeedy, but I'm sure I could start doing more Christie x Helena-type things if this goes over well. By the way, you should be proud of me – this thing is five pages on Microsoft Word. -bows- Thank you, thank you.


End file.
